Crazy week of visitors

So I had Jessie and Wren and Bowser + My mom, dad, and sister AND pups come to visit me this past week...talk about packin' it in at my apt! The first group stayed at Sara's with me and then the latter took over my apartment....including Chief trying to claw his way out of my apt, tearing up the carpet in his wake.

Last day of classes was today...my back hurts. I started typing this post and now I don't know if I wanna finish...

I think I'm gonna try to buy some flowers to plant outside of my front window....I cleared out a bunch of grass and weeds and it got me motivated to do things. Sara and I rode bikes to Rite Aid and Avalon today...another motivator. Basically I'm trying to more motivated...and on time....and creative. I'm gonna try and capture that creative energy that I get in class talking about our Aesthetic Manifestos and actually put it to good use....

febtoberfest success!

i threw a febtoberfest party last night which was a much needed release of pressure that i've been feeling....as most people have in this program.

february is hitting hard for me this year. i don't have a free minute because of good rehearals, beaux rehearsals, class, homework, and memorizing this bastard role of halder for my good understudy.

so it was nice to just hang out with people outside of a theatre setting. i think all of us in this program get along. there's a few people who can't get along with anybody or have problems with everybody, but it's evident to me that we all enjoy each other on some level when we're not wrapped up working together 14 hours a day, 6 days a week. you're gonna be annoyed by anyone you spend that much time with...and if you aren't, then you hold on to those people with all your might.



i've made some big mistakes in the past year or so. i've upset, pissed off, angered, saddened, and lost some close friends. likewise i've been upset, pissed off, angered, saddened, and lost by those friends.

...but nothing is forever...everythin can be undone...

i've also done a lot of things 'right' and made some great new friends in the last year. i've learned a lot from my mistakes and made some big realizations.

:i'm on my way to being the person i saw myself as when i was little.

i wouldn't take back the things i've done because i can honestly say...at this moment...at this time....that i'm happy...and i don't even have a warm gun...so i'm happy in spite of that.

this doesn't mean i'm proud of my actions or behavior that i've deemed 'wrong'...but i'm coming to terms with them...and i'm trying to right as many of them as i can.

i finally feel like i'm back at square one in terms of being honest with myself. i'm to thyning my own self true...or being true to myself. but better than that is that i'm being honest with others. i've learned that hiding things to 'spare' other's feelings doesn't work...if i've done something that hurts someone, then i've got to own up to it...doesn't do any good to keep it a secret.

i'm happy...and i think my child-self would be happy with me too.